The intention of relationships is that they are nourishing.
Just like nourishing your body by eating correctly or nourishing your mind by thinking positive thoughts. Yet relationships tend to be difficult for many people. They are often the opposite of nourishing. People hit roadblocks they do not know how to get through.
It should be simple, right? Despite the different ideas about nutrition, we all know some basic facts, like too much sugar, is unhealthy, for example. Relationships, however, are complex. Most people have no idea why one person has a great relationship, and somebody else does not.
Perhaps this can be explained by the luck of the draw, or karma, but really, if you want to be empowered, you have to take it beyond that.
You have a choice. You can take the bull by the horns or not.
If your relationship isn’t nourishing, then you either 1) leave it (and possibly begin another one that is no better) 2) live with it or 3) begin to figure out what is wrong and how to fix either the relationship or yourself.
The complexity of relational patterns leaves many of us confused. You’ve had a fight. You’ve screamed at each other. You are angry and hurt. You and your partner apologize and feel better - but it happens again and again. How do you break the cycle? You know by now that it isn’t going to fix itself.
Is it a fast fix? No. More like a process, like a yoga or meditation practice, or learning to play an instrument. It takes time and focus.
- You have to learn more about relationships
- You have to learn more about yourself
This is where the word opportunity comes in. We have this idea that life should progress ideally for us. Where did we ever get this idea? Just look around, look at history. Obviously, lots of difficult things happen to a lot of people frequently. And yet many have overcome adversity and disadvantage.
Decide where the problem lies. So, for example, when I was younger, I had a series of anguish filled relationships. I ended up attending Al-Anon for a few years regularly. I learned that I picked these particular people because unconsciously I needed to be in control. The universe, however, wanted me to learn that I could not control. It clearly conspired to set me up with people who could help me realize this lesson. I did learn it, as well as several other things, including how my history impacted me and my corresponding low self-esteem.
Begin to work on the problem. It may be something you can address by yourself. It may be something you have to address within the relationship. For example, do you understand attachment theory? Have you read any books by John Gottman or Sue Johnson? Have you considered a relationship restoration app like WeConcile? Have you had any therapy?
There are many steps and stages along the way to accomplishing anything meaningful. But relational wellness is a worthy goal.
Having good friends and a great partner is part of a fulfilling life.